Any other stay at home moms feel guilty at times for giving up your income to take care of your family?
1st off..I LOVE being home with my 5 month old son everyday & taking care of him & my husband!!
At times I do feel guilty for not working (I know mommyhood is a ft job though lol). Here’s some history:
I was supported by my gma 100% til I was 19 when she remet her highschool sweetie & decided to marry him & gave me 2 wks notice to get a ft job & my own apartment. I lived in a 1 room efficiency & worked in sales & waited tables for about 5 years….I struggled but I was extremely independent. I put off school to work & pay my bills (I got 1 semester in..ugh!) So I feel like a failure there..even though I still plan to finish 1 day…..Then I met my husband right before I got into apt leasing, where I worked for about 1.5 yrs.
When we found out we were prego, we decided I’d continue to work throughout my pregnancy/or until I paid off my credit cards (he’d take a car payment but no credit debt! LOL)..so I got to quit my job at almost 7.5 months to stay home & rest before the baby came.
As I was driving 50 miles each way to & from work everyday…and with the price of gas..I was extremely grateful that I was able to do that.
After our son was born we made the decision that I’d stay home with our boy instead of returning to work. Mostly because the benefit of raising our son ourselves would be better than basically paying & working to be away from him…we’d break even. (ie: the cost of gas, daycare lunches, etc/….would be my paycheck). We plan on having 1 more child, hopefully a girl in another year or so..my husband said I can stay home til they’re both in school…then work pt after if I want.
My husband has a really good job in which he gets to work from home 75% of the time & travel about once a month for about a week. He made just over 6 figures last year with his salary, bonus, stocks, etc… so we really dont want for much…we’re super lucky to be such a young new family & have so much (mostly due to him lol)..new house, 2 cars, nice things..furniture…etc..
Now we don’t “need” what I made (he made that just from his bonus & stocks) for monthly expenses….it would be nice to add the patio, pool, redo the kitchen but its not necessary to survive yknow?
Anywho…do any of you other mommas feel guilty being so dependent on your signficant others? Regardless if its yours, his or both your money…its still strange when you go from contributing to the family to not contributing…I feel guilty buying an outfit or getting my hair done. He told me to just put everything on the card when I grocery shop, shop for me, etc….
I’m just so confused…and I feel like I’m not contributing to our family. I was raised by workaholic & not involved woman/moms so I know the value of my being here to raise my son & I dont regret my decision one bit…..its just hard to swallow I guess.
Plus I dont know what I’m gonna do for his birthday…or Christmas…or our Anniversary….it feels SO WEIRD & not right to buy him a gift using the money he gave me or to put it on our credit card (all mine are closed now lol). I mean I did get b-day $$$ for my b-day and I’m probably gonna use most of that to get him a gift (he REALLY wants a PS3) but still…everyone who gave me that said it was for me to get something special for me (so much for that new laptop lol).
Anyways…I think I’m done rambling =) thank you all for your advice I really appreciate it!!
Absolutely! I have 3 kids and will finally be going back to work next year. Just remember that you are doing the most important job in the world. Remember the money is yours too. Just because he makes it doesn’t make it his. You allow him to work unencumbered and without worry. That is a blessing! Good for you.
And you feel guilty why? Do you know how BLESSED you are. You deserve a break, lay low, watch your son do all those things that Mothers that go to work miss. See your circumstance for what it truly is and not for what you think it should be, BLESSINGS come in all shapes and forms. Now after all your struggles, at your early age, this is a period in your life to reflect and all things in the future, that you think you are missing now, will still be there in the future, for your picking. Again, you are BLESSED and because of who and what you are, you and your family will continue to be BLESSED. God Bless.
Marriage is a partnership. This is not “his” money and “your” money. You both made the decision together for you to stay at home.
Just think if the situation was reversed. If you worked and your husband stayed home to raise children. If it was a decision that you made together would you want him to feel guilty about spending money??
As far as gifts go, maybe plan something special to do together, a dinner or a night out or a trip together. Even if it costs the same as a “present” the planning could be your gift to him!
In response to Amers (below) they figured out all of the work that a stay at home mom does. If she were paid, she would earn $150,000 per year!!!!
With the cost of gas and daycare, it’s probably more cost efficient to stay at home with your son. As a stay-at-home mom, you are not only providing an environment that is benificial emotionally for the family (I mean, who else is going to stay home with your son if he gets sick, or who else is going to go to his school events that happen during the day?), but you are also lowering the debts that could occur should you work.
Traveling less is putting less stress on your car, which means that your car will last longer.
A great job to work towards is a teacher- except for the occassional teacher-work-day, you get the same holidays off as your children, and work pretty much the same schedule as your children. If you don’t have your bachelor’s, you could work part-time as a substitute teacher, a cafeteria worker, or you could get certified to be a paraprofessional/teacher’s “helper”. Most universities offer online courses now, so with internet access, you could easily finish your degree. Also, don’t underestimate the CLEP exams; if you are knowledgable about a subject, you can “CLEP it out”, and get credit so you can hurry with your degree. Take one or two classes each semester online, so that when you are staying at home, you can work slowly towards your degree. Scholarships are available to people getting degrees in certain areas, and educational loans that do not have to begin to be paid back until after you graduate are available too.
Hang in there, and don’t feel guilty for doing what is best for your family!
I am a stay at home mom. I have 2 biological children and 3 step-children that we have every other week.
I also feel guilty about spending money on myself. My husband does well enough that I can stay home – Yes, it would be easier if I was bringing home a paycheck, but its not a need right now.
I know it is supposed to be our money and I know by me being home it makes things run much smoother and he doesn’t have to worry while he is at work or out of town for work – But yes, I still feel guilty. I think its normal. I hope its normal.
If you would feel better about the money aspect for gifts – Make a list of things you do weekly. Make this list for you – not for him. Look through the list and realize that the things you do would “earn” you money if you were being paid an hourly wage. I do not suggest you show this list to your husband, because he may take it wrong and not understand. I suggest the list for yourself just so you can feel less guilty about spending a little bit on yourself or on gifts for your husband.