Boyfriends pseudo parents don’t like me..?
My boyfriend of a year (and very close friend for about 10 years) is living with his aunt and uncle in Tennessee. He is 20.
He was in Iraq June 2010-March 2011, his dad sucked his bank accounts dry while he was over there, and when he got back he got a job as a cook and tried very hard to keep all his bills paid, despite his dad taking everything he had.
In October he was supposed to be paid 7,000 from the military, but this payment was postponed for 4 months. And in that 4 months he got very behind on rent and was kicked out–which is how he wound up with his aunt and uncle.
It was good news in the beginning, because he wouldn’t have to worry about money for a while, his uncle gave him a nice paying job in the company his uncle owns, and he got to be with family (I live in FL, finished up school this year, but it was a very lonely year for the 2 of us, and this was good he got to be with family)
Except. His family is VERY opinionated. Even kind of rude. Mostly his aunt.
And when we would get into arguments or disagreements, his aunt would always say how we shouldn’t be together, how I am too young (I’m 18), and immature; she’s called me a ‘hussie’, and told him countless times that I’m probably cheating on him….this woman has never met me. We have talked a few times, very very briefly and only exchanging pleasantries.
I have never said any disrespectful towards them, or when speaking of them. I WANT them to like me.
The biggest problem came after my boyfriend finally got the money from the military, and was saving money from his job. He decided he wanted a house, instead of an apartment when I move up there, and I didn’t agree with this. I told him neither of us were ready for that responsibility and it should be something we do together, when we are both financially able, and more secure in our job/future/relationship, etc.
His aunt didn’t like that. She said that I was being ungrateful, and that if a man she was in love with wanted to buy her a house to set up a life for her somewhere, that she would be over-joyed and she would be supporting him.
Side note: Her and her husband are also VERY rich, financially secure, and haven’t been worried about affording something for MANY MANY years.
So anyway, this caused a big rift, and however little she accepted me before, she threw it all away because I didn’t want a house. Or rather, I didn’t think my boyfriend and I were ready for a house.
Side note: About 2 months after the argument over the house, he told me he was looking for an apartment now, because he realized buying a house would be an expensive move right now. (Which I TOLD HIM. And his aunt!- But I’m the immature one because I told him not to buy something we can’t afford? Come on!)
I’m flying up to see him in July, for his birthday, in which he will be turning 21. I haven’t seen him in 3 and a half months, we’ve missed my birthday and our one year.
They have banned him from being alone with me for any amount of time. We aren’t “allowed” to go to the movies or dinner alone, etc. We were supposed to go camping in the mountains behind her house, but she told him that wasn’t happening. He’s 21! And she is NOT his parent!
Although she has never said anything to my face (…or over skype/phone call) She says such nasty things to my boyfriend; I’m really nervous and worried about going up there for a week.
My boyfriend will have to work, so he won’t be home during the day, which just leaves his aunt and I.
I have no bad intentions, I’m a wonderful & faithful girlfriend to a wonderful & faithful boyfriend, every misunderstanding/disagreement/fight we have we work out to where it’s best for us..
It feels like I’m going into a hostile environment.
When I move there, my boyfriend and his family is all I will have until I can make new friends and find more of a support system;
What do I do? :/
Very sorry for the length! I need advice though 
All you can do is go up there and just live your life with your boyfriend. Try really hard to be nice to his aunt even if she isn’t nice to you! They will be your family in the future (???) and you don’t want to draw anymore tension then there already is. Just live your life to the fullest and do your best to make new friends and a life with your boyfriend. Not get all up in his aunts butt trying to make her like you, because in the end it might not happen. There are some families where boyfriends, girlfriends, wives, husbands, brothers, sisters, or whatever never like their families.
Hostile seems like an understatement, honestly.
But, there are a few things I can see as an option here.
- Sit down and let the aunt say what she wants about you, with your boyfriend {and her husband?} there. Tell her that you respect her opinion, for everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but then ask what proof she has to support these outlandish claims that she has against you.
The only real problem with this, is you will have to keep a level head. No matter what she says or claims, you must just sit back and let her say her peace, and then process with level-headedness into the conversation.
But… from what you have said, they aren’t people you can reason with.
- In which, you can just tell her what you think of her and take the consequences of your actions later. This is more disrespectful; but from what you have said, there is no respect on her part here either.
Or..
- You could just sit back, bite your tongue, and do nothing. Tolerate the week, let her say and do whatever she wants, and ignore it. It’s only a week; it isn’t a month or something like that. It will be a very long week, but… in the end, it probably wouldn’t solve anything.
All three, I can see it making the situation worse, and very little area for it to be better. It seems like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place, and I wish you luck in trying to get out of it without causing too much of a ruckus.