is this a good introduction paragraph for my japanese internment paper?
These were our requirements:
Start with a revealing story or quotation
Give important background information
Offer a series of interesting or surprising facts provide important definitions
State your reason for choosing this subject
“I know many… who say, ‘That was all so long ago. Let’s forget it and leave well enough alone.’ But I just say we were the ones that went through it- the tears and the shame and the shock. We need to leave our legacy to our children. And also our legacy to America, from our tears, what we learned.” As said by Mary Tsukamoto, a Japanese Internment survivor. The Japanese Americans did not deserve the hardship that they went through during World War II. On December 7, 1941 Japan attacked the U.S. Naval Base located in Hawaii. This is known as the attack on Pearl Harbor. After this happened, many Americans discriminated against all people of Asian descent. They assumed that anyone who looked Asian was Japanese and that they were either spies for or had some link back to Japan. Because of this, President Roosevelt signed an order to put the Japanese Americans in internment camps. The Japanese Americans lived very hard lives in these camps. They had no choice but to stay there for the two and a half years that the order was active. I chose to do this subject because I don’t think that what the Americans did to other Americans is talked about enough. They were doing the same thing as the Nazis and didn’t even realize it.


Starting with a quotation is good, but the purpose of an introduction is to pull the reader in, not explain. move the data and events to another paragraph. the Thesis:
“The Japanese Americans did not deserve the hardship that they went through during World War II.”
goes at the end of the paragraph, this is what you will prove. incorporate this next section into the thesis then prove it in a paragraph.
“the Japanese Americans lived very hard lives in these camps. They had no choice but to stay there for the two and a half years that the order was active. I chose to do this subject because I don’t think that what the Americans did to other Americans is talked about enough. They were doing the same thing as the Nazis and didn’t even realize it.”
A thesis follows the form: this is true because of A, B, C
or
Although this is true, this is more true.