Midwest son out of control, tried everything, can anyone help?
I have a 10 year old son that has been “diagonsed” ADD/ADHD, Midly Bipolar, ODD, & depressed we have tried countless meds, therapies, counselours, dr’s, etc. Nothing seems to help him. He doesn’t care about anything, if he’s in trouble and we take things away, he doesn’t care. He yells, demeans his little sister, back talks me, distroys items and completely lacks respect for women in particular. I have checked into getting him into wilderness camp or boot camp, but we cannot afford such a thing and we’re in the mid-west (Indiana) there is nothing of that sort around here. Does anyone have any suggestions for me? I am at my wits ends with him. Nothing has gotton through to him, we’ve tried many things, reward system, spanking, grounding, paying extra attention to him, praise, chores, money, and nothing works. Any ligitamate suggestions are appreciated.
As an added note….my son’s father and I are divorced, but still the best of friends. I have since remarried, their step-dad is wonderful in every way. My kids adore him. However, their dad did cheat on me with another woman during our marriage, and he still dates her. He moved her in within days of me and the kids moving out. She is not a nice person and has imposed much heartache on both my children. Their dad moved out on his own about a month ago because he could see the heartache. We were hoping this would help my son, but it hasn’t seem to yet. I think his lack of respect for women comes from the fact that he blames his dad’s girlfriend for breaking up his mom and dad’s marriage.
I’m no expert on these things, but, I have heard that a complete change in diet helps. Many processed foods contain additives and chemicals that react with some children’s brains in a negative way. Try to talk, via the net if necessary to a nutritionist specialising in childrens behaviour.
He’s behaviour may have a lasting impact on your Daughter, I would advise you don’t take your eye off the ball there.
Good luck
Above all else, love him.
Raising your voice at him won’t help. You need to find a way to communicate calmly and effectively with him. You should talk with his pediatrician about finding a family therapist that has extensive experience dealing with these specific issues. If your pediatrician does not know, then call your local children’s hospital and specialist clinic and work with them.
I am also in the midwest and was successful (after much trial and error) in getting services through the county that I live in… FREE OF CHARGE. The therapist even came into our home. We would sometimes sit around and talk, sometimes she would just observe, play board games… she even stayed at home with all of our children so my husband and I could go out to dinner… she stayed and played with the kids. It was the best thing ever.
Keep digging… there is help available…
Best wishes!!
Your note brought back memories. My son is now 31 yrs old and still not living up to his potential. I also tried everything, but had to work and was single. Obviously I was often impatient and very exhausted. Your daughter like mine also doesn’t deserve to live like this. Looking back now what would I do. I would continue him with a psychiatrist and not stop. I would also send him to a wilderness camp. There is a perfect one that doesn’t punish the kids and have an excellent reputation. MOUNTAIN HOMES YOUTH RANCH in Colorado. Dr. Phil even recommended it I found out when I found the site. I would let him know also that even though you love him, you can’t allow him to destroy the family. Let him know you will send him away if he doesn’t try or conquer this. If he doesn’t care then follow through with everything you tell him. This will be the toughest thing you will do as a human being much less as a parent. If you have insurance there are residential treatment centers. I do have a question for you though? Why is he so disrespectful to women? Is he picking up habits from your husband or other males in the family? If so, get them away from him. You certainly don’t want to be with a man who demeans you anyway. I understand about the money, but I was a single mother, owned my own small business and had no health insurance, and although I understand, this is bigger than money. This is a very serious matter. You have to get to the bottom of it while there is still time. Don’t suffer the continuing heartache I am suffering from in knowing you could have done more. Now I realize I would have paid ANY AMOUNT OF MONEY TO HAVE SAVED MY SON FROM HIMSELF. Good luck honey. Be strong! Save your family.
PS I am from Indianapolis.
bring in nanny 911!
I have a daughter, now in her 20′s, who was also diagnosed bi-polar, ocd, add. My heart goes out to you but there is hope. You have to do a lot of your own research. At the doctor’s office get all the reading info they have on these subjects. Go online, there are some really good sites and new info every day. One thing to watch is a lot of medications for one of these can aggravate the other. The first thing to do is find a doctor that specializes in bi-polar disorder. This is harder than it sounds because all psychiatrists will tell you they studied this. That does not make them a specialist. It took me years to find one but when you do it is like the sun suddenly beaming thru the darkness. You are trying to control your child using discipline that works on “normal” kids. It won’t work because your childs thought process is totally different. For example, my daughter told me recently that when she was a teenager and got angry with me it seemed perfectly logical to destroy something I loved and she was always confused at how hurt and upset I became because this was not personal to her it was what seemed logical. The key to helping your son is love and patience and the right combination of meds along with the right doctor. It may take a while to find all of that but I promise you it is worth it. Everyday with my daughter is now a blessing. I wish I could help you more but don’t give up and I will be praying for you. Just remember to be specific in your questions and demand the right answers and you will find the right doctor.
Consult with Dr. Phil… go to his website submit your story and maybe he can help.
I was an out of control kid diagnosed with with ADD and depression. My parents tried everything they could think of and finally chose to have me hospitalized in the mental health wing of an excellent hospital. They took a 2nd mortgage while one of my sisters was in college in order to secure my future.
My point is, don’t let money get in the way of your son’s mental health. We can go thru life without a leg, or legs, without a hand or arm, without sight or hearing, but if we cannot control our behavior in everyday settings, we have no future.
I am now 37, married (happily) with a daughter of my own (NOT ADD, thankfully) finished college and am now working on my masters.
Oh, and I’m from a far north suburb of Chicago