Alright so I guess this all started when I joined a volunteer service January 2010. To my excitement, I was assigned to work at a children’s camp in Virginia (I am from Pennsylvania) for a year. It turned out to be one of the most life changing experiences of my life. I started working there February 15, 2010. I remember because it was the day after valentines day. lol So a few months later once summer rolled around the counselors started coming for our training which is about two weeks long.

Thats when I met him. He was the first person to show up and it hit me like I was struck by lightning. I have never felt this way about a guy before. You know how you kinda have somewhat of an image in your head of the person you will end up with? like “the one?” lol i hope i’m not the only one who has done that at least. It was like the universe took him out of my head and made him real… only more real than I could have imagined.

I saw him every day… all day… for a whole summer. I fell hard and I drove everyone else crazy because i couldn’t shut up about him. Every time he was near it was like my body went into hyper sensitive mode. Our hands would accidentally touch and it was like i touched fire. My friends would catch me watching him play with a group of kids and I’d have this stupid smile on my face like i was looking at the most beautiful thing i had ever seen. Also some family matters were going on back at home that had me really stressed out. There were times where he’d hold me while i cry and he’d try to make me laugh to make me feel better. It didn’t take much effort. He’s such a good guy, a good friend, and i have so much respect for him. And I know he’s not perfect because no one is, but he’s the closest thing to perfect i have ever seen. that’s the best I can explain it.

Well after a whole summer of flirting with each other and becoming good friends… it regrettably was the last week of summer camp. I had decided that i had to tell him how i felt because i knew i would regret it for the rest of my life if i didn’t. I asked my friends about it first because i didn’t want to ruin everything. My friends insisted that he liked me and i took courage from that. I also asked his brother and he told me that “the guy i’m talking about” just got out of a 4 year long relationship back in spring and he wasn’t sure what he would say, but told me i should try anyway.

So i told him and it was the hardest thing to do. I was so nervous, but i felt relieved to finally let him know and have it out in the open. He said he liked me too, but he just got out of a relationship and he wasn’t ready to date again so soon. I had expected that answer so i wasn’t surprised, but it still hurt nonetheless. The following week went smoothly like nothing had changed between us. Maybe less flirting but our friendship was just as good. Summer ended then and we all went back home.

Now it’s October 15, 2011… i’m back in Pennsylvania and he’s still back there. I have tried so hard to forget about him. I’ve tried dating other guys and they never last longer than a few weeks which is odd for me because i’m a long term relationship kind of girl. I keep dreaming about him, I draw pictures of him, every love song makes me think of him, i write stupid poems about him, and he’s the last thing i think about when i go to bed and the first thing i think about when i wake up. We don’t talk very often. i start conversations every so often and they are always very brief like he’s just being polite when he’s actually busy or something and he never initiates a conversation so i stopped trying. I’m very careful about what i say so i don’t let my feelings show. I don’t want to be the crazy girl that’s obsessed even though that’s what i feel like. It’s been a few months since we talked and i think he may have forgotten about me. he might even have girlfriend. i have no idea. i swear though, i would drive all those miles to him right now if i thought i even had a chance. what should i do?